thoughts from a sixteen-year-old girl. ♥

Every part of Me.

Thursday, June 24, 20105:49 AM

I so relate myself here..

I feel like I'm million miles away from myself
more and more of these days
I've been down so many open roads
But they never lead me home
Now I just don't know
Who I really am
How it's going to be
Is there something that I can't see?
I wanna understand

Maybe I will never be
Who I was before
Maybe I don't even know her anymore
Maybe who I am today
Ain't so far from yesterday
Can I find the way to be every part of me?

So I'll try, try to slow things down
And find myself
Get my feet back on the ground
It will take time
But I know I'll be alright
Cause nothing much has changed
on the inside
It's hard to figure out
How it's going to be
Cause I don't really know now
I wanna understand

I don't wanna wait too long
To find out where I meant to be long
I've always wanted it to be where I am today
But I never thought I feel this way

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I wanna be a good girl in all aspects. :) Yes! Im trying!

5:19 AM

I just feel like Im wasting too much time, like spending too much time on such nonsense things.

I just realized that. :| I feel super bad for all the people I've hurt because of my selfishness. :|

Let me clear it out, those nonsense things.. made me feel so depressed. Imagine, I waste all my time on that! So meaning, i was so depressed all those time.

Being like that made me feel like I don't wanna go to school anymore.
I don't wanna read, write, answer, even participate. I was too lazy to move. All I wanna do is to lay down & stare at the ceiling. I don't even wanna talk to my teachers. And for the most important people in my life, I honestly don't wanna talk to them nicely. I treat them as my age. Like really, I was like so rude. And I was so depressed to move neither talk. i don't wanna talk to anybody. it feels so bad to feel bad. XD But srsly.

Now I realized where I went wrong. I was wrong at every INCH. :| I was lost in the moment, I let evrything fall. I took evryone for granted. Even myself. Now, I know, I was wrong.

I just miss the old me. :| I want her back. I want the old Dian back.
I wish, I never took her for granted. I wish I never changed. -- But I never changed, Its just that I change my views, which is wrong :|

So NOW. Im gonna get her, She'll be back. I wanna be good in every aspects. I wanna stop all my doubts, fears, and worries. I just wanna feel the air and live my life. I'll stop thinking about NONSENSE things. I'll just focus on my FAMILY, God, and my studies. ;) And hey, VEA. Thanks for understanding me. I love you. And yes. I love you friends especially classmates. ;)

I don't promise anything.
But I'll just show you. Today, Its what I call "change"
I believe in myself naman. i know I could make evrything better. :) and I WILL. I want to. I'll do my best, God will do the rest.. :)

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I wasted all my time. :|

4:54 AM

Gosh. Who knows inspirations had it's expiration date too?!

I dont know. The last time I woke up, I like him so much. But the next thing I know, I just dislike him. It's not because Im not getting what I give. But it's because Im too weak. I give up easily.

All I ever wanted was to be his friend. I want him to be one of my good friends.. JUST THAT. No more. NO LESS. OKAY? I dont want a "friend-falling-inlove" situation. All I want is an inspiration. And I guess he's the perfect guy for it. I mean he's good, he's nice, and he's smart.
But I guess, I just can't be friends with him.

And I never thought I'd be disliking him. I wasted all my time trying to be his friend, But I guess, he doesn't need an addition to his friends.

It's okay. I can take it.
I'll just stop. I mean, I don't feel any "inspired" feeling. I don't participate in class, I don't review much. So to summarize, All I get is depression. Maybe because, I was trying to hard to be his friend. Im just too desperate to be his friend.

I'll stop. Thnks for reading. I love you blog, My best-est friend ever.

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Kawawa naman siya. LIBRE NAMAN UMIYAK. HAHAH!

Saturday, June 19, 20104:09 AM

HAHAHA. Im like reallyy rude for blogging about this. I dont know if you could call it "rude" but I guess Im in a "i told you so" situation.

This is a short post. :) I would just love to share my friend's experience at the same time OUR gladness about this experience. :)))

Well. This happened to my friend, which at the same time it made me so happy for her.
So she's inlove with his bf, and they were like together for more than 4 months. And then his bf starts to show like he's not interested anymore. So my friend just broke up with him instead of fighting for their fvcking not to mention nonsense relationship.

So yea, after 2 days, his ex-bf has a new girl. And then at first she said she was hurt, so we cheer her up. now that she's okay. one of our classmate had a crush type on this new girl of his ex. so our classmate tried to impress the girl, then i guess the girl's nice and she likes our classmate. :) -im happy for them- good thing she likes my classmate.

So then, my friend's ex-bf who likes this girl had beenn ignored. his new girl likes our classmate more than him. so now he's been left with nothing. poor him. :)))))

once I get this story, i was like laughing so hard like rolling with hapinessssssss. HAHAHA. his misery is one of the greatest thing to laugh about.

poor you sucker. :P

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He's like an angel from above. ♥

Wednesday, June 16, 20104:38 AM

Like I said. I'll be staying where I am with no hopes & expectations. Right?

Out of nowhere.. My attention was caught by someone with something. Something that seems to be so special. So unique. And until now, I just can't figure what it is.

So this is what happened, I met this someone. And the first time I say "hi" he was with a billion smile and a hundred watt(s) sparks in his eyes.. compared to me, I only have like 2 smiles HAHAHAH. Kidding.

Okay, So. The way he smiles, I was so captured by the uniqueness of it. And I feel like everytime he smiles, its always for me. :) And it's like everytime he smiles, the whole world does too. he really seems to be so interesting & unique, there's something about him. And the way he talks to me about simple things.. It seems like im a little puzzle, and he's the one who completes each day of mine then boom, he makes it special. :)

He's like an angel. I dunno. XD
Omagash. Above all guys I've known before. His aura's really DIFFERENT as in different. And hey, He's not good, He's NICE. He acts like he's so happy with his life. :) And I realllyyy admired it.

I feel like I found some inspiration. I saw something in him.

Let me clear it up.. Im not having a CRUSH on him. And Im not INLOVE. Kay? Im just.. Inspired & CAPTIVATED :)

I was so captivated. ♥ I think his smile contains something that others don't have.

//somethingabouthimisaddictive.

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Try mo umasa?! Nakakapagod. :|

Sunday, June 6, 201010:08 AM

Have you ever try hoping and hoping and hoping for something? Yung akala mo darating, pero wala pala. para bang asa ka ng asa na makikita mo ang hangin :| Nageexpect ka, naghihintay at mas worst umaasa ka na sana makita mo ang hangin.. mahirap yun. para kang nagaabang ng jip sa bus station o kaya nagaantay ng barko sa airport. Ganun, ganun kaimposible ang umasa sa walang inaasahan. :|

In the past few days, natutunan kong mahirap sobrang hirap palang umasa sa wala. mahirap mag hold on lalo na kung wala namang panghahawakan..

Mas masarap isipin na sila naman yung nagaantay para sa ating pagdating. Pero minsan kasi parang ang unfair ng buhay. :| Parang sa lahat ng sitwasyon, Ako ng Ako na lang ang nagaantay sa wala. Sana sila nmn. para maramdaman nila kung gaano kasakit ang umasa sa wala :|

Magaan kasi sa feeling yung alam mong 100% sure kang darating sa mga taong nagaantay sayo. :) Dba?

Mas nagpapagaan dun yung alam mong hinding hindi mo sila pinaasa :)

Ngayon, ang pangako ko sa sarili ko ay:

-No more waiting.

-No more expectations.

-No more hoping.

Para sa akin, pag nagawa ko ang 3 bagay na ito, sana nga makamit ko na ang tinatawag nilang heaven on earth :) Masakit lang kasi pagka patuloy akong umasa, nagexpect at naghintay. Siguro much better kung steady lang ako and I'll stay where I am today. I hope good things will just knock on my door, at that time I'll be ready to open up my door for those certain things whose waiting for me :)

I mean its always good to know that someone out there is probably waiting for you.. :)

No expectations. Yes happiness. :)

I'll stay where I am. Keep enjoying my life. And I know someone will just knock. That time.. I'll be much welcome to let them be a part of my little world :)

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Mahirap mapagiwanan ..

Friday, June 4, 20109:16 PM

Mahirap din palang mapagiwanan sa uso. Yung bang feeling mo lahat ng tao & bagay ay unti unti ng umuusad at unti unti ng iniiwanan ang maliit mong mundo. :|

Mahirap makita na lahat ng tao sa paligid mo ay unti unti ng nakakamit ang kanilang kasiyahan habang ikaw, eto ka pa din, nagaantay ng araw kung kelan mo makakamit ang sinasabi nilang Heaven on Earth :)

Masaklap maisip na para bang lahat nalang ng nakikita mo ay parang nakamit na ang kasiyahan nila.. Na para bang nagiisa ka na lng sa mundo na nagdurusa at puno ng puot ang buhay. :|

Na para bang pagka-sinimulan mo ng hanapin ang heaven on earth mo, parang lahat nalang ng tao hinahadlangan ka para maging masaya. BAKIT? Sila lang ba ang may karapatan sumaya?

Pag ka sila masaya na, wala kang maririnig na sinasabe ang ibang tao, minsan nga masaya pa sila dahil masaya na siya, pero bakit pag ako na.. parang ayaw nilang umusad ang buhay ko, ang gusto ba nila forever na kong stuck sa buhay na puno ng puot?!

Sympre, gusto ko din sumaya. :|

And I hope, hayaan nalang nila ko. kasi mahirap din mabuhay sa mundo ng puot. Sobra :|

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Pagsisisi at Panghihinayang. :)

2:04 AM

Sa buhay kong ito, madami ng nagdaan sa buhay ko.. madaming huminto.. nagpreno at binusinahan ang maliit kong mundo.. katumbas nuon, madami rin namang mabilis na nilagpasan ang aking mundo, madami rin ang panandalian lamang akong hinintuan, At ang masasabi ko lang sa lahat ng nangyari, Ayos lang ako, tanggap ko ang katotohanan ng buhay na -- It's all come and go :)

Pero sa lahat ng sitwasyong ganito, 2 bagay ang majority na mararamdaman ng karamihan..

(1) PAGSISISI o REGRET. Ako madaming beses nakong nagsisi sa mga desisyong ginagawa ko.. pero sa paglaon ng panah0n, I came to realize na tama naman pala na ganito ang ginawa ko, nagsisisi lang ako nuon sa mga mistakes ko dahil hindi ko matanggap ang kinalabasan ng mga ginawa ko, Pero sabi ko nga, as time flows, napatunayan kong tama na ganon na ang nangyari, dahil mas nag-grow ako bilang tao at mas natuto ako :) Here's a thought to remember: "Malalaman mo lang na mali ang desisyon mo kapag naramdaman mong sa paglaon ng panahon ay hindi ka MASAYA. "

- Dahil jan, lalo kong napatunayang sa buhay ko wala akong gaanong pagsisisi. Dahil habang nilalagpasan ako ng oras, nararamdamamn ko naman ang saya bilang isang ako. ;)

In my own experience, when I made a sudden decision and I feel sad about it at the first time especially when that decision caused me a loss of someone special. But then again, as time goes by, I feel good about my choice because I made myself and that person happy just by setting free :) And now, i realize there's no regrets or anything. Because, that choice just made me a whole lot better person today :) And I thank that person, because [S]He made a big mark on my life :)

(2) PANGHIHINAYANG. Eto ang isa sa mga bagay sa buhay ko na alam kong madaming beses ko ng naramdaman. Minsan, pag bumibili ako ng pagkain tapos gutom na gutom na ko sakto namang matatapon, Waaaa. Sobra kong nanghihinayang nun :))

Kay, About life. Nanghihinayang ako for those people who have been a part of my past for a long time, i feel bad they didn't make it in my future. :/

But like I said, as time goes by, You'll realize that everything turn out the way God wants it to be. ;) Plus, sa hindi mo pagkakaalam, it turn out in the way you actually want it. :)

And we shouldn't feel bad that they didn't made it, If they were meant to be with us, they will be, in God's way and in God's own time :)

Just take this: There will always be a best reason why some people in our past that we love did not make it to our life today. :)

And, as we walk our lives, We'll get to accept that piece of reality :)

Oh well. Goodnight everyone. Thnks for reading. This post is totally from the bottom of my heart :)

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